Not so great outdoors
by Animediva943
Summary: Nephrite,Zoicite and Kunite go to earth to take some time off. they run into countless disasters and battle the earths forces of nature. if it couldn't get worse, the sailor scouts crash their trip. how will tey all escape this. semi-crack. kunzoi.
1. Chapter 1

Hello this is anime diva with a new story to kick off the summer. It involves how much camping sucks. Takes place during season 1 but jadeite is still alive and he doesn't know that Usagi is sailor he becomes obsessed with trying to find out. I don't know how many chapters I'll make it yet but it shouldn't be too many.

Warning: some of the characters may be accidentally OOC. My bad.

Important: Zoicite is a male in the Japanese version of Sailor moon. The English dub made him a woman. If you have any questions about the Japanese version of sailor moon, ask me in your review or PM. I will gladly answer your questions. If

I don't own sailor moon.

* * *

Not so great outdoors

Chapter 1: Just one day off please

Jadeite was coming back from yet another battle with the sailor scouts and was defeated again. Queen Beryl already had mistrust for jadeite in the past but because of his recent defeats to sailor moon. Even the other soldiers doubted his competence. It was apparent that soon jadeite would no longer be useful to queen beryl. But he was determined to defeat sailor moon. And in his mind the best way to do that would be to find out who those three sailor scouts were. One day he secretly transported to earth and collected strands of hair, half-eaten food, anything with a female's DNA on it that could give him any leads to who sailor moon was. But his obsessive research did not help him in the upcoming battles where his youma were being defeated time after time after time by that annoying dumpling head.

Every couple of days It went on just like that, Jadeite tries to Find the sailor warriors while everyone else mocks him for being weak and obsessive. But around a week after said youma death, Nephrite, Zoicite and Kunzite were all in Zoicite's room. They were talking about something but Jadeite wondered what the hell they could possibly have to talk about. Despite being the four greatest soldiers they never really got along. Especially Nephrite and Zoicite those two were always picking at each other. But they all seemed to agree on something for once. But what? Jadeite leaned to the door to find out what would be so important for them to actually meet up without queen beryl's knowledge.

* * *

"A camping trip?" Zoicite and Kunzite asked with some level of confusion. They had never been to earth so they don't know anything about nothing on earth, including what humans did for fun. Nephrite had done a lot of research about earth and all the mysterious and wonderful wonders that lived on the blue planet. For a while he felt like they all spent all this time trying to take over the universe, and kill those sailor brats only to fail countless times. He figured it was time for them to have a break from fighting. Even if it was only for one or two earth days. As long as they had some down time it was fine.

"On earth I believe its summer and during the summer they do what they call camping out. They set up tents in the forests and I think from what I've seen they also go what they call hiking in the woods so to speak sing campfire songs and I think they fish too." Explained an enthusiastic nephrite.

"_And the bears." Jadeite thought, chuckling. "Don't forget being eaten by bears."_

"it does sound interesting." Kunzite said. "But you _do _know that Queen Beryl will _never_ allow us to go to earth without a mission."

And he was right. There was no way that Queen beryl would ever let them go to earth unless they had to send a youma down or fight sailor moon or even to run some errands for her. The camping trip sounded like fun to them but how would they be able to get it past their Queen. Especially after the last time Nephrite suggested a vacation. They all were almost cast into eternal sleep for that. The thought of that really traumatized Jadeite the entire earth summer. After that he swore that he would never let Nephrite suggest a vacation ever again.

"I think I know how to get us on earth without queen beryl knowing." Zoicite said.

"How? By crying to her about how tired you are?"

"Shut up, Nephrite!"

The three of them could not be silent long enough to listen. On the other side of the door, jadeite was beginning to get board with their conversation. Then the conversation started to get interesting again when Zoicite revealed his plan.

"What if we give Queen Beryl the vacation that she always wanted? Then we can go to earth and she wouldn't even know about it." He suggested.

"That's nice and all but how are we going to do that."

"Actually that's already been taken care of." Said Zoicite. "Right now our queen has gone away to an extended vacation courtesy of me."

Jadeite, still listening through the door was very skeptical about going to earth. What if the Sailor scouts saw him on earth, even for a silly vacation? The last thing that he needed was to bring his work on an earth weekend off. On top of that, the trip they took last time turned out to be a complete disaster. After that he swore on his life that he would never go anywhere with Nephrite again, ever.

_After last time I am never leaving here without a mission; especially after that trip to planet _mobius. He thought.

* * *

Flashback- one earth year ago.

_**The four most powerful soldiers had just graduated from the academy and were on a ship to planet mobius to celebrate their graduation. It was Nephrite's suggestion to go to mobius. Mobius from afar was a planet of alien paradise, everyone at first thought it was a wonderful Idea and for a while it was.**_

_**They all had a great time with the theaters and the shooting galleries also, it seemed like the perfect vacation. At least until Jadeite, Zoicite and Kunzite found out some very unsettling secrets about the vacation.**_

_**One: it was not paid for.**_

_**Two: No one knew about the vacation, not the academy teachers, not the headmaster, not even their queen. **_

_**There was one law of the dark kingdom never to be broken. No one must ever keep secrets from the queen. The penalty of that violation depended on the severity. If it was a minor offense, they would be forced into labor. However, if it was as bad as taking a vacation without the knowledge of the generals, then the penalty was death. **_

_**The worst part of all of that was that not only did they find out about the illegal vacation after the fact, but that soon Queen beryl caught on as well. The only thing that saved them was nephrite being forced into labor, otherwise none of them would be alive. **_**End flashback.**

* * *

Kunzite leaves and then as he opens the door, he sees a certain blond general standing behind the open door.

"You don't learn, do you?" The silver haired man teased. He was always teasing jadeite about spying on people.

The blond man rolled his eyes. "I don't care if you fools want to go to earth but I am NEVER going anywhere with that idiot again. You and your pet can get killed by those sailor sluts if you want but I want no part of this."

"Good, because we don't want you there either." Then Kunzite and the other two soldiers walked away, planning their two earth days off on the blue planet. Jadeite stuck his tongue out at them and went about his business.

_So what if those fools didn't invite me._ He thought. _I don't care. They can feel queen beryl's wrath or get killed by sailor moon if they want but after last time I am not going down that road again. Good bye and good riddance. _

**Well there was chapter 1. Like I said, sorry if they seem a little OOC. But this is sort of a crack fic so bare with me okay. Chapter 2 will be up next week. Also, any questions about the japanese version of sailor moon or about why zoicite was turned into a girl by the english dub, just ask and you shall receive. review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

Alright here is chapter 2 of not so great outdoors. I know that it has been over two months since I posted this story but I haven't completely forgotten. Anyway enjoy.

Chapter 2

Nature's call

The other three generals transported themselves to earth. They appeared to be looking around everywhere in Tokyo. They stopped at stores and movie theatres and even went to the mall. They did everything on earth except try to find some camping equipment. Then it hit them not one of them had any money or knew anything about camping because this was their first time on earth. The only person who knew about earth and everything about earthly activities was back in the dark kingdom. It appeared that they needed him now.

"I am not calling him." Nephrite said. And he didn't but they still didn't know how to camp out. They didn't know where to go or what to do.

"I'm not calling him, either." Zoicite said. Then Nephrite and Zoicite looked at their third companion. He was just as resistant to call Jadeite as they were but he didn't really have a choice. So he called him.

* * *

Meanwhile in the dark kingdom, the phone was ringing. Jadeite looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Kunzite. At first he ignored the call. He wasn't going to be bothered with those other generals who cast him aside. But then again, he thought it would be entertaining to gloat about how stupid they were to sneak to earth without queen beryl's knowledge. The blond alien quickly picked up the phone.

"Hello, Kunzite." He said mischievously. On the other side of the line the silver haired man glared at Nephrite and Zoicite. He couldn't believe that they subconsciously forced him into calling the other man.

"Don't start with the sarcasm, troll." He said. "I just want to know how we are supposed to camp out. You know, what materials to get, where to go."

Over the other side of the phone he heard the blond man burst into laughter. That was when it looked like the man would lose his temper over the phone. Usually when jadeite laughs like that that means that he will probably gloat about how they needed him to be on the vacation after all. He braced himself for the gloating.

"Maybe if you let me come down there I can show you." He said. That's when Zoicite grabbed the phone and protested his request.

"No way!" Zoicite protested. "There is no way we are letting you come here! You'll ruin our vacation!"

"I don't think you have a choice." Jadeite said. "Wait, actually you do, you can let me teleport down there and help you with your vacation or I can call queen beryl and tell her that you are all breaching your duties as generals by sneaking to earth to take a few days off. Take your pick."

There was a giant hole of silence over the other end of the line. The other men had to think about it. Which one was scarier, spending the day wandering around a planet they had no knowledge of or getting caught by queen beryl and being executed? Either way, they were in a jam that seemed impossible to get out off.

"Well?" Zoicite said. "What are we going to do?"

"I say we let him teleport here." Nephrite said. Then Zoicite began to argue about it all over again. He wasn't about to let a failure accompany them on what should be their day off. Even if it meant getting caught by queen beryl.

"We are NOT letting him come with us. He'll still blab to queen beryl about this. You know that we can't trust him." He said. Then nephrite tried his best to talk some sense into the blond general. The last thing that he wanted was to end up getting killed just because of someone else's bias.

"I know that he can't be trusted but he has never been one to break a promise. If he says that he'll turn us over to queen beryl then he most likely will and when that happens we are all dead." Nephrite said hoping that it got through. But before they could start arguing for the thirty thousandth time in a row, they saw that Jadeite had already teleported to earth. He was about to gloat to them but then was stopped by Nephrite and Zoicites angry looks.

"Look now, you needed me all along and it took you getting lost on this planet to realize that. So don't go around giving me dirty looks." He said.

* * *

They went to get a tent and some food and firewood before heading into a nearby forest. While they walked to the forest, they heard some very annoying crunching sounds. Kunzite turned around and saw a certain dark haired man eating a snack.

"What are those?" he asked. Nephrite continued to eat the said snacks, ignoring the other man. But then he decided to tell him anyway, after finishing the bag.

"I'm not sure; I think they're called potato chips. They taste really good." He said opening another bag of chips.

"Umm, Nephrite, I wouldn't eat those chips out here if I were you." Jadeite said.

"And why not?" he asked.

Then the blond man got a look of mischief in his eyes. It was time for him to get back at the others. By scaring them.

"Potato chips attract bears." He said.

"B-Bears?" Zoicite said trembling. He then grabbed on to Kunzite who seemed to be irritated by the other man's antics.

"There's no such thing as bears, he's just trying to scare us." Kunzite said.

Then they found a spot to set up the tent. After it was set up, jadeite decided to tell them about the bears.

"bears are creatures that are attracted to food, fire, and blood. If you bleed, you will be attacked. If you touch a bears offspring, you will be attacked. If you eat in the woods, you will be attacked. And if you die, they will eat you." Jadeite explained. But his fun would soon come to an end when he saw three girls on the other side. They beared a striking resemblance to the sailor senshi. That was when he knew that it was possible that the scouts were nearby. Thinking this, he decided to have some fun with the others.

"Look! The sailor scouts!" he said pointing to Usagi, Ami and Rei. The other three generals glanced at the girls and then were all walking towards jadeite with the intent to kill him, or at least beat him up.

"What, I was joking." Jadeite said defensively.

"the sailor warriors are nothing to joke about!" Kunzite said. And then he, Zoicite and Nephrite all chased him all over the woods.

* * *

Meanwhile the girls were setting up camp as well when they saw three guys and what looked like to be jadeite running.

"do they look familiar to you?" Ami asked. Rei and Usagi looked at Nephite,Zoicite and Kunzite.

"I havent' seen them around here before." Usagi said.

And that is the end of chapter 2. sorry about the delay, I was working in the daycare center and working on my many other , chapter 3 should be up soon, bye.


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